It's that time of year again, I'm packing up my sleigh
I'm bringing to the boys and girls the toys with which they play
Teddy bears and cigarettes, wait those would not be toys
I won't bring cancer to the kids for that would not bring joy
Instead I'll bring them lollipops and other goodies, too
I'll fill their stockings up so high, as long as they aren't jews
My stable is all ready now, they got their beauty sleep
Rudolph leads this rad ass pack because his nose is neat
The elves have done a wondrous job in filling up my sack
I then proceed to pick it u...OW, FUCK. MY BACK.
The elves give me a helping hand, I go to kiss my wife
The years have not been kind to her...is this my fucking life?
Now we in the sky
I'm wondering why
All of the world is just passing me by
These kids don't believe
In me it would seem
They all just think I'm a childish dream
My toys are all old
The wind is so cold
I'm seeing my hand and I think should fold
I tighten my grip
I'm cracking my whip
I feel like it's all just beginning to slip
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
I finished my rounds, but this year might be my last
Santa Claus has come and gone; a relic of the past
I've lost the jolly that I've worn as a mask
The only happiness I find flows solely from my flask
Pipe down woman! Im trynna watch my shows!
And I bet you all know how this story goes
I drank up all the liquor and then I must have snapped
I can't seem to remember though it's all just fucking black
I woke up in the stables with a face full of hay
Hungover as hell while the reindeers played their games
I try to stand up and i realize im not sober
Rudolph's acting tough so he started walking over
He puffed out his chest, "Did you have a nice rest?"
"Hey look man, im just doing my best"
"Santa Claus, you're such an asshole you know"
Kevin Costner, no way out, it's coming to blows
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
Woke up and realized I'm fat as fuck.
Rudolph's gone. The whole world sucks.
Kids don't need no wooden trains.
Arthritis brings incessant pain.
I'll grab myself a rusty knife
One with which to take my life
I guess that's how im meant to go
Not with a bang, but a "Ho, Ho, Ho"