1. |
Bitches and Dicks
04:42
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Rock n’ Roll!
To which we sold our souls,
To a man in the desert,
Man, was he fucking old
He made us sign in blood
Which I thought was kind of weird
As we performed the messy deed,
He stroked his greying beard
But we’ve grown tired of this rock n’ roll shtick
So now we write songs about bitches and dicks
We’ve spent our whole lives around bitches and dicks
My dog just died, you make me sick
He finally succumbed to fleas and ticks
My dog just died, don’t be a prick
His favorite movie was Homeward Bound
When we went out to play, he made me proud
He lived the thug life since he was a pup
We always made sure had that lean in his cup
Don’t get us wrong, though. Didn’t raise him well.
Say “All Dogs Go to Heaven” but Sparky’s in hell.
We ain’t British though so we can’t “Let it Be”
So now we droppin’ Pet Sematary Part III
“Aye yo, did you hear that?”
“Nah dog, what?”
“I get it, but for real.”
“For real. I didn’t hear nothin’.”
“Listen. Listen closely.”
“Ah nah. THIS SHIT IS REAL!? I’M FUCKIN’ THE GET OUTTA HERE”
I’m a fuckin’ golden
retriever, deceiver, a fuckin’ mind reader
as a matter of fact, I’m a fuckin’ pack leader
Y’all just sent me down to doggy hell
so I came back to drown your ass in a well
you gonna get it ruff, and it won’t be pretty
You be wishin’ you a pup, still on Mama’s titty
I saw your bitch ass friend tuck his tail and run
Guess he couldn’t handle my dog-based puns
I barked very little, because I was high
When my teeth your face, yo I won’t be shy
Y’all try to make amends, but I don’t give a fuck
speakin’ of givin’ a fuck, you seen my last toy duck?
My boy, Cerberus, on his way back t-
Wait. When did you get that?
*Gunshot*
We’ve spent our whole lives around bitches and dicks
My dog wouldn’t die, became a zombie and shit
He refused to succumb to fleas and ticks
He just died again, so don’t be a dick
BITCHES AND DICKS
YOU MAKE ME SICK
MY DOG JUST DIED
DON'T BE A PRICK
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2. |
The Amazing Alcoholic
02:34
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When I walk into the bar, they're like "Get the fuck out"
So I tend to stay at home and get wasted on the couch
But no no no, son, not today
Tonight I'm going to the bar anyway
I'll straight make a grab for all the liquor and run
And throw some darts on the way out just for fun
Hit a couple dudes 'cause my vision is blurred
Try to apologize, but my slurs is be words
Chug-a-lug, Chug-a-lug
I'm blacked out passed out on your rug
Chug-a-lug, Chug-a-lug
I really hope I don't get mugged
Chug-a-lug, Chug-a-lug
Actually it's an alley
Chug-a-lug, Chug-a-lug
Yeah, this is how I'll always be
Kicked the fuck out, now I'm stumbling home
Got pissed on my leg by a predator drone
Oh wait, shit, dude, I think it's a dog
Any sane person would have laid off the grog
By now, but I'm still just doin' my thang
Then I blacked out, became a part of a gang
By the time I came to, though, it was still just me
Everyone else had been shot in the knees?
Chug-a-lug, Chug-a-lug
I'm blacked out passed out on your rug
Chug-a-lug, Chug-a-lug
I really hope I don't get mugged
Chug-a-lug, Chug-a-lug
Actually it's an alley
Chug-a-lug, Chug-a-lug
Yeah, this is how I'll always be
Walkin' down an alley now and clearin' my mind
I hear some footsteps comin' up from behind
This dude stole a purse, and he's getting away
This could be my moment, yo, I needed some change
Turned around to stop him, I was doin' my best
I stumbled right in front him and puked on his chest
He tried a spin move, but he fell on some bricks
Now I'm a local hero, yeah, I get all the chicks
Chug-a-lug, Chug-a-lug
I really think I've changed my ways
Chug-a-lug, Chug-a-lug
My life consists of better days
Chug-a-lug, Chug-a-lug
I think it's time to get a dog
Chug-a-lug, Chug-a-lug
Golden retriever can't go wrong
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3. |
Maternity Wards
03:46
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I skateboard through maternity Wards
Swinging like a jungle gym from umbilical cords
Yeah, the children's tears, they make me smile
Don’t get me wrong, though, I'm not a pedophile
When I was a boy, just the age of three
Saw the first prego mangled in front of me
Don’t worry though, dude, yeah it's not an excuse
I learned on my own how to drain the juice
From the birthing canal with a smile so wide
When the doctors come, though, it's time to hide
Gotta keep the secret the best I can
Then I steal the child, hop in the van
Not unnoticed, though. They're always after me
You can see my face all over channel three
And four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine
But black market meat, yo that pay is divine
Maternity Wards Make for Fun Playgrounds
All these little kids get my head spinnin' round
It's a late-term abortion on its greatest scale
'nother dead fetus in a garbage pale
I gift wrap my guilt up in dollar bills
It's a twisted profession but it pays in thrills
Red and blue, they dance across the sky
You know the thought had never crossed my mind
That this particular heist, it may not end well for me
That the cops would catch up as I try to flee
This isn't the end, though. I ascend to the sky.
John Travolta, bitch, yeah that's right, I can fly
Shoot for the moon, at least you'll land in the stars
That’s what the babies wish, but I sell them in jars
They'll never grow up to cure AIDS or make art
Call it Vegas, though, the game was rigged from the start
I think I'm in the clear, NO OH SHIT A CHOPPER
Took out the engine, a fuckin' showstopper
It could be over, no, but not for me
Bust out the parachute and only scraped my knees
Maternity Wards Make for Fun Playgrounds
All these little kids get my head spinnin' round
It's a late-term abortion on its greatest scale
'nother dead fetus in a garbage pale
You will never take me alive
I'm fucking infinite, bitch
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4. |
Best Regards
00:45
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5. |
Lead the Blind
02:27
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Look out below! Here comes Stevie Wonder
He'll come crashing down like incredible thunder
Did you bang your mom? You Oedipus me off.
Threw himself from a cliff while they sat and scoffed
The hotel told us to get off their property
But we've returned to finish Sophocle's prophecy
When senses fail, we're always near.
Even blind eyes can see death clear.
You can't hide under your cool-guy shades
We're unsympathetic. We'll toss you away.
But don't worry, friend. You won't be alone.
We'll have your seeing eye dog will play fetch with your bones.
You should have known when your cane stopped clacking
That something terrible was happening.
We lead the Blind, but to elevator shafts.
As they fall to their doom, we point and laugh.
You think you people are better me
Think you're better than us just because you can't see
You can't fool me with your cold, dead eyes
I see right through your reptile lies
Welcome to your grave of cables and steel
You may not see but we know you feel
the terror coursing right through your veins
Fall twelve floors, out come your brains.
Petrify a family of five.
Descending down while you take your dive.
One loud "ding!" It's going down.
A lonely saxophone plays in the background
You should have known when your cane stopped clacking.
That something terrible was happening.
We lead the Blind, but to elevator shafts.
As they fall to their doom, we point and laugh
You wonder why we act this way
It's only 'cause we like to play
When we kill, something clicks
Just like their fucking walking sticks
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6. |
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Oh. Shit. I'm back for more.
It's the return of baby killer galore.
The cops wanted a shootout, well I wanted war
I left them all as a pile of gore, bitch
I prowl the streets, set out to meet my needs
I'm still not over my scraped ass knees
Then I happened upon the weapon of my dreams
Equipped to fill the night with endless screams
Think of this as population control
Call me unorthodox. I make my own hole
Caesar was born by similar means
But I like it more when the pretty girl screams
I lurk in the shadows, stalking my prey
See a pregnant girl and I'm just like "Yo"
I greet her with a smile and a motorized blade
Not tonight, bitch. You're not getting away!
I begin my pursuit, but my knees are sore
I follow close behind while screaming "Whore!"
Cornered the girl, now I'm going in raw
Time to perform C-section with a chainsaw
Think of this as population control
Call me unorthodox. I make my own hole
Caesar was born by similar means
But I like it more when the pretty girl screams
The cops got called, I should have known from the start
'Cause I got sloppy when I tore her apart
Throw the chainsaw; cop caught it with his head
Dude flops over. Oh shit, he's dead.
But now I'm unarmed. I make a break for the trees.
Cops got me in their sights. Pow, they took out my knees.
Crawl into the brush, but it's far too late
I should have just let these people procreate
Think of this as population control
Call me unorthodox. I make my own hole
Caesar was born by similar means
But I like it more when the pretty girl screams
IN MY DYING MOMENTS, THEY STOMPED MY KNEES
"LEAVE THEM ALONE" I BEG AND I PLEAD
DO WHAT YOU WILL WITH THE REST OF ME
MY KNEES
MY KNEES
GOD PLEASE
MY KNEES
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Verbal Sludge Indianapolis, Indiana
An Indianapolis-based band that finds humor in the misfortune of others, and ourselves.
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